August 2005

Come on in—the weather's... hot! We won't kid you: it's hot out there.  Here at the Morgue, the temperature is a little better regulated, but we're sure the subject matter we offer this month will generate a little heat, as well.

We have a number of mystery book reviews, including titles from Holly Baxter, Joseph Finder and Donis Casey, as well as a riveting non-fiction book about an escape from captivity in Yemen. 

But our columns will also warm up your summer: the interview this month is with Janet Evanovich, bestselling author of the Stephanie Plum and "Barney" Barnaby series, discussing her career and what's to come for her best-loved characters.

There's a charming "How I Write" column below from Penny Rudolph, author of the current Thicker Than Blood, discussing her ongoing quest to provide better roles for Whoopi Goldberg.

And our monthly installment in "Murder By Committee" takes a decidedly classical turn, as this month's chapter is written, fittingly in the form of a dramatic scene, by the most famous dramatist of all time, William Shakespeare.  At least, he said he was William Shakespeare.  The guy wore an accordion collar, and everything. We're pretty sure.

So sit back, take a sip of iced coffee, and enjoy.  Summer only comes once a year, so it's best to enjoy the air conditioning while you can!

In this month's issue:

How I Write, by Penny Rudolph
Janet Evanovich—The Mystery Morgue Interview

Reviews:
Tears of the Dragon, by Holly Baxter
The Old Buzzard Had It Coming, by Donis Casey
Company Man, by Joseph Finder
Hard, Hard City, by Jim Fusilli
Seven Minutes to Noon, by Kate Pepper
Kidnapped in Yemen: One Woman's Amazing Escape from Captivity, by Mary Quin

Ongoing Story:
"Murder by Committee," Chapter 16, by William Shakespeare

Link to Archives

 

How I Write
by Penny Rudolph

"I write because I don't know how to do much else," says Penny Rudolph, a journalist, science writer, medical writer and editor. "I began writing accidentally. Because paper was cheap."

Modesty aside, Rudolph has had a distinguished career writing and editing for numerous publications.  Listen to the Mockingbird, her first novel, was published by Zumaya, and won a 2003 EPPIE Award.

Her second novel, Thicker Than Blood, is being published by Poisoned Pen Press, and marks Rudolph's entree into the world of mystery writing.  Having written short fiction before Mockingbird, Rudolph says she understands the form, despite being taught at an early age that "everything except hard-back books, preferably Russian novels, were trash."

A stint working for California's largest water agency opened Rudolph's eyes and "left me with a taste for murder," she says, so the mystery is centered on California politics involving water, the environment—and murder.

Now living in New Mexico, Rudolph lives with her husband and "a small menagerie of stray animals."

Ideas and characters sneak up on me from anywhere—a book, a newspaper, a movie, someone I meet.

I've never written anything even remotely autobiographical, but I do like to mix imaginings with bits of truth from other people's lives. Once I begin to follow an idea, I begin collecting characters.

In my just released mystery/thriller Thicker Than Blood, the protagonist, Rachel Chavez, is based on a woman I've never met. I read her newsletter and saw her picture. She owned a parking garage. The rest of her is a figment of my imagination. She probably wouldn't like to know that I also gave her an alcoholic and drug-arrest past because it suited a plot purpose and seemed to make Rachel a "deeper" character.

Another character in Thicker was drawn from a guy I worked with who as a child had escaped from Hungary (which I switched to Italy). He did carry his grandma's china all the way to California. A third is Whoopi Goldberg. I simply love her and think it's awful she hasn't had any good roles lately. So I keep trying to write them for her. A fourth, Rachel's dad, is my ex-father-in-law. (Hey, I liked him, so he isn't the villain.) The bag lady is based on a wonderful woman I worked for. She's passed on now, but she probably wouldn't have minded being depicted as a bag lady.

For my first novel Listen to the Mockingbird, a historical/suspense, I wove together the histories of two women into Matty, my protagonist. One was an army wife who came to the Southwest in the 1850's. She eventually ran away from her husband (he was not very nice), went to San Francisco, and became a rather well-known writer there. A lot of her part of Matty's story is true. But instead of following her to California, I crossed her with a woman whose gravestone I'd seen. It read: Matilda. Owned a ranch and held up a stagecoach.

You can spot Whoopi in Mockingbird as the freed slave. I based the monk on a priest who lived a hundred years earlier, the rest of his story, the gold mine and all, is rumored to be true. And I threw in some "real" minor characters:  Kit Carson, the general, the newspaper editor and Captain Baylor. The duel really happened.

A third novel, another contemporary, Eye of the Mountain God (not yet published), centers on Megan Montoya, an art photographer, a single mom with a deaf daughter. For this one it's the story hook that was real. Megan opens her newspaper one morning and out drop five emerald arrowheads.

Diaries and letters written in the 1600's tell of an Indian called "The Turk," who met the Spaniards as they arrived in what is now New Mexico. He showed them "five emerald arrowheads" and told them the gems came from "just up ahead." This may have begun the Seven Cities of Cibola myth. The Turk led the Spaniards a good long way from New Mexico before they realized the ploy and killed him. No emerald arrowheads were ever found. Some archeologists think they were malachite, not emerald, but apparently they did exist.

Once I have my characters, I find photographs of people who look like I imagine mine look.  Then, using a plot line I drew up years ago—it seems to work for everything—I loosely outline, chapter by chapter, leaving lots of room for changes.

Beyond that, who was it that said, "I just sit and stare at a piece of paper (a computer screen today) until I can walk through it"? Once I've walked through, I tend to become obsessed and may need custodial care to make sure I eat and sleep and do other necessary things.

Writing? Nothing to it.

 

Janet Evanovich—The Mystery Morgue Interview

To mystery readers (and readers generally), surely Janet Evanovich requires no introduction.  A romance novelist who hadn't really "hit it big," Evanovich decided to write what she says is a series of books for people who usually don't read books, but watch television. And in 1994, she began the Stephanie Plum series with One For the Money, which was immediately optioned for a feature film, and is still being developed as you read this article.

So far, 10 more Plum novels have followed, including the latest, Eleven On Top, in which Stephanie decides to give up her career as a bounty hunter in Trenton, New Jersey—but someone doesn't want to let her retire.  As usual, the romantic tension between Stephanie and her pair of suitors, Joe Morelli the Trenton cop  and Ranger, the expert skip tracer and somewhat shady mentor for Stephanie, centers the book.

In this interview, Evanovich discusses her New Jersey roots (she now lives in New Hampshire), the temptation to listen too much to readers and the status of the long (long, long) awaited film version of One For the Money, as well as her next novel, the second in the Alexandra "Barney" Barnaby series that began last year with Metro Girl.

When you graduated from Douglass College (Rutgers University), did you already know you were a writer? How did you decide that was how you would make your living?

Janet Evanovich:  I received my BA in fine arts and I was a painter when I graduated from Douglass.  I didn't start writing until ten years later.  We had a young family and I was a stay-at-home mom and we needed some money.  So I thought, how about if I write a book, sell it to the movies and get rich and famous?  I mean how hard could it be, right?  Actually, didn't sell my first book until ten years later.  Turned out I was a slow learner.

Obviously, your New Jersey background enters into your writing. But you've lived outside the Garden State for some time now. Do you think there's something special about New Jersey that makes it an especially good setting for your type of story?

JE: You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take Jersey out of the girl.  Jersey has great energy.  It's the American melting pot and the American dream.  And it has superior pizza.

Eleven on Top is your, um, eleventh Stephanie Plum novel. Do you think there's a point at which a series runs its course, or do you have enough story ideas for Stephanie to continue indefinitely?

JE: Not sure about indefinitely since that would indicate immortality.  Let's just say I'm not done yet.

Do you consider the Plum series to be a mystery series, or do you classify it differently in your own mind?

JE: I actually think it's an adventure story... exotic location, some romance, lots of action, hot heroes.

In the latest installment, Stephanie decides at the beginning to give up her bounty hunter career. Does this represent, to you, a maturity on her part, or is she denying what is her true calling?

JE: Steph's just a very average woman with a weird job.  She has all the self-doubts and desires for success that we all have.

Is it difficult to keep a series going without drastically changing the characters' lives? Do you feel you have to leave each book with the characters in roughly the same situations they were in at the beginning?

In other words, do you think Stephanie will ever choose between Joe and Ranger? Or are you concerned about a Moonlighting situation, where once the romantic tension is resolved, the series loses some of its appeal?

JE: I love the romantic tension and wouldn't want to see it resolved anytime soon.  It's one of the things that keeps the series fun for me.

Is it important for Stephanie to get better at her job as the series progresses?

JE: I think she gets a little better with each book but let's be realistic ...she's never going to be Ranger.

How much can an author listen to her readers before the readers' concerns start to drive the series?

JE: Like everything else in life... you need to continually take in information and chose what works.  Or as webmaster Alex (Evanovich's daughter) says, "Life is a cookie".

You've introduced the Alexandra "Barney" Barnaby series last year. Was that an effort to break out of the Plum mold? Are there more books planned in that series?

JE: I started the Barnaby series mostly for my own enjoyment.  I love writing the Plum books but I had other characters roaming around in my head.  The entertainment level is the same for both series but the character formula is reversed.  Stephanie kind of floats through life with little direction, and the two men in her life are super heroes. Alexandra Barnaby was born with a special talent and a passion, and the man in her life is a hero on a much more human scale.  The next Barnaby book will be out in March.  

How the heck do you and Robert B. Parker turn out all those books every year and maintain the high quality?

JE: I don't know how Parker does it, but I have no life!

How many books in advance (that is, twelve, thirteen, etc.) are you thinking? Do you know what the next book is going to be about when you're working on this one?

JE: I always know where the relationship is going one to two books in advance. The crime lines are worked up when I start the new book.

We're going to ask, but feel free to say you're sick of answering: what about Stephanie Plum on the big screen?

JE: I'm sick of answering!  Okay, I'm not really sick of answering—I just thought it would be fun to say that.  TriStar owns the first book in the series and has been working on it for eleven years.  It boggles the mind, no?

 

Reviews

Tears of the Dragon
by Holly Baxter
Poisoned Pen Press
Hardcover, 301 pages, $24.95
ISBN: 1-59058-146-6
Reviewed by Terri M. Tumlin

The time is the Depression, the 1930s.  The place is Chicago with all of the gangs, the crime and corruption associated with it.  But also in Chicago, there is Elodie Browne, a copywriter for an advertising agency, who lives with her mother and three sisters, and is trying to survive in these very hard times.  Suddenly two changes occur which upend Elodie's life and take her into places and situations she never expected. 

She wins a contest at work that moves her into the world of writing for radio—an exciting new career—and she agrees to serve at a party given by Lee Chang, a wealthy Chinese jade importer.  Her new job brings her into everyday contact with Sal Schultz and Drew Wilson, two colorful longtime writers who vex and teach her in her new career. 

It is during her work at the party, that a man is shot and killed, plunging Elodie into a series of dark and dangerous events that change her life and the lives of those around her.

The incident is suppressed in the newspapers, and although the police come and take away the shooter, a bodyguard working for Lee Chang, he is released on bail and disappears.  Clearly, somebody doesn't want the matter investigated.  But Elodie heard the dying man's last words and is sure the bodyguard committed murder.  She can't let the matter drop. Hugh Murphy, her cousin and a newspaper reporter, wants her to stay out of the whole matter and devote herself to her new career.  Lieutenant Archie Deacon, an honest cop in a corrupt force, agrees.  But she doesn't listen.

It's not that Elodie plans to outdo the police and solve the murder.  She is just driven to discover the meaning of the murder victim's last words—"Mingdow got me after all."  As she seeks to unravel the mystery, another murder occurs, this time close to Elodie.   The stakes are raised, and threats and kidnappings affect Elodie, her family, and people she knows.

Tears of the Dragon is an engaging blend of a raw and corrupt part of Chicago's history with the very human view of family life and striving during the Depression.  Each of Elodie's sisters and her mother are clearly drawn as are the rest of the diverse cast of the story.  As a mystery and adventure story, the book is satisfying with plenty of twists and turns and suspense. After reading this novel, one can only hope that Elodie Browne will reappear many times in the future.    

 

The Old Buzzard Had It Coming
by Donis Casey
Poisoned Pen Press
Hardcover, 216 pages, $24.95
ISBN: 1-59058-149-0
Reviewed by Theodore Feit

The year is 1912, the place: Oklahoma, just after it entered the Union as a State.  The tale takes place in farming country, and two families are the center of the story. Alafair Tucker is the mother of a large brood, married to Shaw, a fairly successful farmer.  Adjacent to their farm is a scrubby farm, ignored by Harley Day, who makes moonshine (and drinks the output to excess).

Alafair is a strong-willed matriarch who becomes involved in solving the mystery of Harley's murder, when he is found, frozen and lying dead, by the side of his house with a bullet hole behind his ear.  Alafair's daughter Phoebe has been secretly sneaking off to see Harley's eldest son, John Lee.  She stole a two-shot Derringer pistol from her mother and gave it to John Lee, who used it to fire off one shot at his father when Harley assaulted  John Lee and Phoebe after discovering them together.

Is that the shot that may have killed Harley?  How can Alafair protect her daughter, a possible accomplice to an apparent murder?  But the old reprobate had a host of enemies; could any of them been responsible?

A first novel, with the writing, descriptions and dialogue evoking the turn-of-the-century frontier setting, this is good reading.  The mystery, when finally solved, is completely unexpected when the events begin to unravel.  And for a finishing touch there are a series of recipes which Alafair uses to feed her husband, nine children and anyone else who appears at dinner or supper.  I don't know which is more mouth-watering: the novel or the food.

Company Man
by Joseph Finder
St. Martin's Press
Hardcover, 520 pages, $24.95
ISBN: 0-312-31916-9
Reviewed by Kathy Thomason

Nick Conover is a local boy made good, CEO of a major corporation who has come back to his hometown a well-respected and well-liked man. But when the economy goes south and he is forced to lay off half the employees of the factory, he is the most hated man in town.  When his wife dies unexpectedly, Nick is devastated.  And when someone starts stalking his family, despite the gated community they live in, he feels like his life is spiraling out of control. 

He decides that for the sake of his two children he has to take action, a decision that results in a terrible tragedy and causes him to lose even more control of his life. And while his personal life is in complete shambles, he discovers a conspiracy at work to sell the company and he isn't sure who he can trust, including the troubled new woman in his life.  And hounding his every step is a detective named Audrey Rhimes, who has her personal reasons for pursuing Nick.  With everything he holds dear at stake, Nick must dig deeper into himself than he has ever been and find the strength that he thought died with his wife in order to save not only his company, but his very life and that of his children.

With each riveting page you will find yourself drawn deeper and deeper into Nick's world, a world that he is rapidly losing control of.  This is a fast-paced, intricately plotted thriller that will bring you to the edge of your seat and keep you there to dramatic conclusion.  Finder is well on his way to becoming a giant in the thriller world.

Hard, Hard City
by Jim Fusilli
G. P. Putnam's Sons
Hardcover, 288 pages, $24.95
ISBN: 0-399-15217-2
Reviewed by Kevin R. Tipple

Terry Orr tries to live in the present but the past is never more than a second's thought away. Not that he doesn't have plenty of reason to live in the here and now, thanks to his teenage daughter, Gabriella whom he lovingly calls Bella, her friends, and other things of interest. But, he still feels the loss of his wife Marina and their young son.

He used to write and hasn't in a very long time. He used to work as a detective until after his last case when Bella hid his private investigator license in an attempt to protect him from himself. It has been over a month and he really hasn't done much of anything. That is until a friend of hers, Daniel, asks Orr for his help.

Daniel, describing a situation of a "friend of a friend" asks his help in locating a student by the name of Allie Powell. Allie took classes at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City and hasn't been seen in days. His powerful parents don't seen to know or even care where he is.  The uncle who lives on the Upper East Side has not been much help, either. Daniel doesn't like the situation at all and thinks it needs to be made clear to the family of the missing student that Allie has friends.

Orr agrees to talk to the uncle and things quickly get out of hand. Accosted and roughed up repeatedly, Orr works a case that quite clearly no one in the boy's family wants him involved with. Beyond the rather strange uncle and his issues, the parents have an agenda of their own and the welfare of their son seems to be a minor secondary concern. They share their lack of concern over the boy's safety with another group who is looking for him for unknown reasons and don't seem to care who gets hurt in the process. Through it all Orr tries to deal with a current mystery as well as the pain and unresolved questions of his own past.

This fourth novel of the series is well written and features an interesting multifaceted main character as well as a slew of interesting secondary characters. Relationships matter deeply in the work, as does the past. The result is a highly engaging read that could be read as a standalone but probably would be better enjoyed if read in the sequence of the series. The pace of the tale is slow, broken by violent sequences of action at times, and at other times, by digressions regarding past events and motivations. As the story moves forward the real world falls away and the reader becomes enmeshed in this enjoyable and highly entertaining novel.

Seven Minutes to Noon
by Kate Pepper
Signet
Paperback, 307 pages, $6.99
ISBN: 0-451-21579-6
Reviewed by Theodore Feit

After a slow start, this novel picks up steam.  It begins with three pregnant mothers minding their kids in a Brooklyn playground after picking them up after school.  One is close to full-term, the other is about six months gone with twins.  The next day, the one about to give birth doesn't show up at an agreed-upon time, and the mystery begins.  She is found in the Gowanus Canal, with a crude Caesarean having been performed and the infant removed.

The story involves shady real estate dealings in the neighborhood, along with the murder mystery.  The friend's death is similar to one which occurred two years previously.  The author, a Brooklynite, spends too much effort on local color without really moving the story ahead.  Local color usually is warranted, but in this case it slows the reader to learn about bagel stores and the like.

Otherwise it is an interesting mystery with a telegraphed but nonetheless unexpected conclusion.

Kidnapped in Yemen: One Woman's Amazing Escape from Captivity
by Mary Quin
The Lyons Press
Hardcover, 258 pages, $23.95
ISBN: 1-59228-728-X
Reviewed by Kathy Thomason

Xerox executive Mary Quin, while on vacation in Yemen, was kidnapped by Islamic extremists and found herself ripping an AK-47 from the hands of wounded kidnapper during a rescue by Yemen authorities and escaping into the desert.  After it was over, four hostages and three kidnappers were dead and Mary's life was irrevocably changed forever. 

This non-fiction book, written by Quin, centers mostly on her life after her return to the United States. Quin finds herself haunted by questions: who were these men? What drove them to this act? Is there a way to stop it from happening again?  So she sets out to explore the murky world of militant Islam and clandestine terrorist groups, and embarks on a journey that will take her from the safety of home to London to meet Abu Hamza al-Masri, a cleric with a glass eye and hooks for hands who is the stepfather and father of two of the men the kidnappers were trying to free when they took Mary and the 14 other tourists hostage.  And from London she follows the trail back to Yemen to interview authorities, FBI agents, prisoners accused of terrorism and others involved in not only the kidnapping, but also the disastrous aftermath of the rescue.

This is a fascinating look not only into an extremist world that many of us didn't know existed until Sept. 11 but into the determination of one woman to survive a horrific experience and her attempts to understand what drove these men to commit the acts that they did.  This is an unforgettable account of a woman's journey into a dark world of fanaticism and her remarkable courage in dealing with it.

 

Murder By Committee

Read past installments and find out more about Murder By Committee

Chapter 16
by William Shakespeare

Bill Shakespeare is a master playwright making his detective fiction debut with this chapter.  His celebrated works, which admittedly are four hundred years old and more, are constantly being performed, and have been adapted into many celebrated films, television productions and West Side Story, to name only a few.  Shakespeare himself appeared as a character in the aptly titled Shakespeare in Love, although he is quick to note that he "didn't receive a dime for that one."  This chapter is clearly an unusual one for Murder By Committee, written as it is in the form of a stage play, but hopefully, readers will acknowledge the fine work Shakespeare has done in advancing the story and making it even more puzzling (if such a thing is possible).

ENTER GUTHRIE and BRUISER, brandishing swords.

GUTHRIE: Hold!  Draw not your weapons, and we might all leave this cafe alive!

GOPHER reaches within his cloak for a weapon.  Bruiser stabs him and Gopher drops to the table.

McRAE gasps, and RICH glares, but does not draw a weapon.

BRUISER: Was he not warned?  Were we not plain in our intent? 

RICH: Defend thyself with empty words, villain!  He might as well have been reaching for his wallet.

GUTHRIE laughs ruefully.

GUTHRIE: Do not jest with me.  Gopher was known in places far from here for his obstinate refusal to pick up a check.

RICH: (nodding) True enough.  He was indeed a cheapskate of epic proportions.

McRAE: What brings ye here?  Why follow me through this wasteland of a city, where women enhance their anatomy with surgery and men do the same with blue tablets?  Have I not been through enough in this endless journey?  Do I not deserve to know, at least, for what I have been laboring? 

GUTHRIE: Aye, 'tis true.  The chip you hold is part of the plot, but only part, for the man who once was your master has not told you the story with accuracy.

McRAE: (looking at Rich) You lieth to me?

RICH looks away.

McRAE: Figure it doth.  Pray, Guthrie, convey your version, for I shall assume afore you begin that it be lies, or at least not the whole truth.  Our history, brief but eventful, certainly bears out that assumption, does it not?

GUTHRIE: It doth.  I hang my head at the suggestion, for I have not been honest and true when I spoke with you.  I do add, however, that it was for thine own protection that I lied, and not because I hold you in less esteem than the sun itself, rising over the San Fernando Valley as we speak.

McRAE: What meaneth you by that statement, Guthrie?

GUTHRIE: Have I not made myself plain?  Is my love for you, or at least selected parts of you, not obvious to all who look at my face, or note where my eyes continue to focus?  What must I do to prove my love to you, for that is surely my dearest intention?

McRAE: I am astounded by your declaration, sir, but confess I have held certain feelings for you, as well.  I know not whether it be love, but I do admire the way you wear your tights.

RICH: What do you sayeth?

McRAE: Cooleth your jets, sir, for we were wed only briefly, and in great haste.  You thought me to be with child when I had merely eaten a taco left in the fridge too long.

RICH: 'Tis true.  But this man, this scoundrel, does but waltz into your life for one night, and you declare your admiration for his form in ways you never did with me.

McRAE nods toward Guthrie.

McRAE: Well, glance upon him yourself and tell me why.

BRUISER: Aye, 'tis obvious.

RICH: Keep thy opinions to thyself, fool, or taste my steel!

BRUISER: If you prick us, do we not bleed?

McRAE: (to Guthrie) Tell me your tale, sir, and take care to include only true things, as your chances with me will improve with each honest word you utter, and vanish with the first lie.

GUTHRIE: I shall endeavor to be truthful then, lest my tongue fall out.

BRUISER: What a pity that would be!

GUTHRIE: Aye.  Pay heed: when Meredith Sheridan, whose name was made for iambic pentameter, wed Hank Brown, the Sheridans and the Halsworths were displeased.

McRAE: Star-crossed lovers?

GUTHRIE: More star-crossed business partners.  Meredith and her mate conspired to extort great sums from Halsworth, having upset him with knowledge of some of his mistresses and crimes of a nature I would not speak in your company.  Halsworth acquiesced, lo, on a number of occasions, to great expense on his part, and the newly wed lovers did live quite high off many a swine.

McRAE: In what way doth this involve me?  Have I not lived a life of honor?  What makes me deserve the fate with which I have been burdened, time and again, this night?  To state it with blunt emotion: WHY ME?

BRUISER: It is my belief that one of us needeth a hug.

GUTHRIE: Put your needs aside, sir, as I explain myself to the lady.

OZZIE: I have held my tongue long this morning.

BRUISER: Then, your fingers must surely be slimy.

OZZIE: Provoke me not, or taste my steel, member of numerous minority groups!

GUTHRIE: You may speak when you are asked to do so, sir.  Now, I prove myself to my lady.

McRAE: Prove away, Tights-Boy.

GUTHRIE: I have spoken with many who knew the late Mrs. Brown.

BRUISER: Had she a lovely daughter?

GUTHRIE: Do not interject again, my friend, or I shall be forced to smite you for your tragic sense of humor.  Hear me, my lady: It is my belief that Meredith was slain, that the mishap which took her life was not a random one, but was planned when she and her new husband returned to Halsworth one time too many.

RICH: 'Tis nonsense!  Have thee proof?

GUTHRIE: The proof exists, and does so on the chip that I believe my lady still has concealed about her person.  Shall we liberate it from its hiding place, my McRae, and see what the chip holds?

McRAE: What reason have I to trust you?  Have you not deceived me with everything you have said since we met?  The many men you have killed in my presence?  Your alliance with the mad Betty?  And the even more elusive Jo?  Why, sir, should your words inspire even a tiny morsel of trust in me?

BRUISER: The sword pointed at thine heart might help.

GUTHRIE: Nay, I will slay you not, my lady.  Fear not.  My love is pure, mostly, and true.  What I have told you is what I know to be true.  If you believe me not, you may certainly send me back to my lonely fate in a city with too many colleges and sports fans too rabid by half.  But away!  Come to a place where we may test my words, as the proof lies with you, on a single chip.

BRUISER: Bet you can't eat just one.

At swordpoint, McRae, Ozzie and Rich stand and all EXEUNT.